Updated: Jul 9, 2021
*Trigger warnings* After almost a decade in the industry and with my 30th birthday on the horizon, I decided to take a look back on who I was before Lenore and why I became a Dominatrix. This isn't supposed to be a guide or beautiful tale but an insight into who I am and why.
Welcome to Hannah Banana 2012, Adultworks little submissive bear before she grew up into a fucking Queen! That's right! we all start somewhere...
Back when Collarme was around and Adultwork was less saturated, I lost my Mum to Cancer and despite working in care, I turned to sex work to try and get by. I was young and went from everything to nothing so suddenly. On top of that, I had a house and bills and all this adult shit I'd never done before. After googling and researching, I chose these 2 sites and proceeded to become a cam girl.
I took inspiration and confidence from Jenny-Ainslie Turner and watching Secret Diary of a Call Girl on repeat. I don't know what it was that stood out so much but I just knew I wanted to be successful and I thought that this was my chance.
Any other person I know would have probably done anything other than what I chose to do at the time. I'm not sure what made it so easy for me to make the choice.
I started getting leads through Collarme, scheduling cringe-worthy cam shows, and researching the fuck out of everything I possibly could. Before I knew it, I was away to cash my first paper cheque ( yes paper!) from AWS. I was proud but I wasn't happy and here's why...
I had to come to terms with what I was doing and how it would affect everyone else in my life.
My sleep was rare! It was just me staying up all night in a bedroom that still resembled that of a teenager. ( for nostalgic giggles, my laptop was an old chunky, grey aspire that sounded like a fucking airplane, you know the one?)
When men were demanding or horrible to me, it would upset me, throw me off, and set off triggers.
I became instantly angry and fed up with being degraded, revealing myself, and doing some things that I actually wasn't comfortable with or consenting to, I was just shutting off my mind and getting on with it because I felt like I didn't have another choice.
WHAT CAME NEXT...
Prior to all of this, I had been in a relationship that introduced me to BDSM. When I was with this partner he would always make me watch what I now do as a job. At the time I thought it was quite intimidating and it quite frankly scared the shit out of me but I was also intrigued.
I looked up some of these videos and realized at that moment that I never have to be that girl I was uncomfortable with again! I could be like these women, couldn't I? I didn't have to be vulnerable, I could turn the table. So I did! I spent the next year with notebooks, courses, researching, and practicing what I was learning as I went. Some women are born dominant, some are made dominant. Combining learning with the experiences I had to endure in my life, made me strong and built the very foundations of the woman I am today.
Collarme turned Collarspace and I was now registered as a Dominatrix under the Alias of Miss K. I was no longer intimidated by men, I opened myself up sexually, began to experience a whole different life and I was happy. For the first time ever, I was in control of everything including my work. I made it work by applying myself and remaining dedicated to one and only outcome.
Check out Part 2 for Miss K's Journey