Updated: Jul 9, 2021
Whether you are new to the scene or highly experienced, It is always ok to say no and have your limits and boundaries respected. I've come across this many times, both online and in-person, so I thought I would touch on it.
We've all seen it and it's a subject matter that arises a lot, especially in the dark crevices of NSFW Twitter.
It's quite simple really, As a Dominant, it is your responsibility to be observant and educated enough to recognize when something is wrong and to respect your play partner's limits. As a Submissive, it is your responsibility to be vocal about what your limits and boundaries are, not only that, but to respect your dominant and that they may not wish to provide certain services as their own limits, and guess what? that's also ok!
This works both online and in-person
“I didn't want to disappoint you so I didn't use my safe word”
You may know of Sub508 from my Twitter & Content. We had an incident where I was mentoring someone using him. It was a Strapon session and normally he takes it pretty well but on this occasion, I could tell from his body language, vocal changes, and reactions that there was something wrong. I stopped the play and we discussed this privately. After agreeing he was uncomfortable, I asked why he didn't use his safeword and why I had to call the shot. He replied with the above statement. He didn't want to let me down for the sake of content or in front of someone. For us having a really open and understanding D/S arrangement, this shocked me. We discussed it, fixed it, and developed from it where he now knows he can come to me about anything and use a safe word without feeling like this.
Just because we come across as controlling, sadistic, huffy, bitchy, snappy, sadists, whatever you want to define us as (we're all different), It should not mean that you don't feel safe to communicate your needs and boundaries.
On the other hand, I can see why submissives who have had bad experiences with Dominants may feel this way. This is why it is important to educate yourself. I understand we all start somewhere, but it concerns me (more so during the influx with covid) when I see people jumping into this industry thinking they can just treat others like shit and get paid for it. There will be subs who will argue that this is what they love... I mean sure, but consensually and done correctly! When this isn't the case, here we are picking up the pieces of broken individuals, people who have given their submission to someone and trusted them, for it all to have gone wrong.
If I were to sit here and touch on all of this topic, I would be here for days. Long story short, just because you're a dominant doesn't mean mutual respect gets waved. Just because you're a sub doesn't mean you have to accept what you're not comfortable with or didn't consent to... like this whole " I'm gonna take your photos and non-consensually post them everywhere unless you give me £100k" - This is not ok!
D/S Relationships are built on trust, comprehension, and communication, like any other relationship. If you make more effort with these 3 points and remember to have safe, sane, and consensual fun while you're doing so,
you will have success both as a dominant or submissive.