Approaching a Domme: "How much for domination?" (Revised Post)

Updated: Sep 27, 2021

How not to approach a Dominatrix or any service for that matter.

If you are considering messaging a Sex Worker please do your research. I fully understand that everyone starts their journey at some point but if you're new to "this", read on

If you are coming into someone's messages to ask for a service you might want to know what you're going there for first! Using Domination as an example, you know the term, you know what it is but it is also an umbrella term. Coming to someone like myself and demanding to be dominated will result in your inquiry being immediately ignored for a multitude of reasons.

Let's face it! You wouldn't walk into a Shoe store and say I'm here for shoes for £10 expecting to walk out with the right size and style for that unrealistic price limitation.

We are not mind readers! We are also extremely busy and don't have time to walk 10 people a day through the million and one things you could be referring to.


If you're familiar with the term then you know what it is. You must also realize that one word doesn't cover all. Research domination and the services, kinks, and fetishes that fall under it. Either know what you want or at least have a rough idea before you seek it out. Sending a message like the above, only displays to us that you are not serious, you have no clue about what you want and you're probably gonna waste our time. Make an effort with your inquiry. In my case, this is why I have forms set up that are designed to ask you everything I expect in a first message without me having to do it manually every time. It may seem like too much effort to you, but that also comes in handy for me. If it's too much effort for you to take 5-10 minutes to do something right, then you are absolutely NOT someone I want to work with or have serving me.

Not everyone provides the same service! Just because you've got a fetish for smoking doesn't mean that we all smoke and are prepared to offer this as a service. Again do your research. Any reputable SW will have either a website or a link where you can see everything they offer, how they charge, and what to expect. If it's not suitable then move on, don't just message anyway!

Below are examples of how to message and how not to message, I'm sure you can figure out which is which?

As you can see from the last entry, there is effort. He's told me what he's looking for, where, how long, what he is into, and what his boundaries are. He's also shown me that he appreciates and understands my work, has been thorough, and paid attention to what I expect. The full message also lets me know his medical conditions, payment methods, availability, and other information I expected. I'm sure you can appreciate the difference.


  1. Know what you are looking for

  2. Do not approach a Domme or SW unless you are willing to pay for their time and services

  3. Do your research!! Read the information they have provided in order to know how to approach, their expectations and what services they do and do not offer

  4. Approach accordingly, Everyone has contact preference, find out what that is before approaching, e.g if they require a form submission, fill it in

  5. Be Patient. DO NOT go messaging on every platform until you get an answer or send repetitive messages. Like everyone else, we have days off, we have lives and you will get a response accordingly. Being a nuisance, selfish or inconsiderate moron will not go down well.

If you seriously want to explore this side of yourself, you might want to start by doing it properly. If this is too much effort for you initially, we don't want to hear from you and you may as well call it a day.

The message?


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